...the Big Three

I've been thinking a bit about your request for additional funds to shore up your operation.   As a business owner myself I understand the need to keep cash flow moving and have sufficient capital to get past unforeseen events which will continue my growth of even my existence.   Since my employee count is a rounding error in any of your companies, I'm virtually certain that no matter how much *I* whined, I couldn't get the bailout.

Despite those facts, I think i have a solution to your problem.  Here's what we're going to do:

1. We're going to divide the $25B into 2 pots: $15B and $10B.
2. We're going to contract with Fox to hold the 8PM hour free for all 5 nights next week.
3. We're going to bring you in for "Survivor: Detroit"

Here's how it will work:

• Monday:  You'll need to bring your CEO and your CFO.  They can pitch the P&L of the company, pipeline forecasts, etc.
• Tuesday: talent portion.   You can bring in up to 3 employees who demonstrate the heart-and-soul of the company.  They must all be non-exempt.
• Wednesday: result's show.  After America votes, one of you will be sent home.
• Thursday: Guest star night! Nissan comes in (OK perhaps Toyota or even Kia, we're working that out now to see who's up for it).  It's announced that the runner-up will be bought by the guest star.
• Friday:  Final results show.  Without one gratuitous dance number, forsaking anyone eating bugs, the winner will be chosen.  Ed McMachon will appear (sans rap attire) with a check with is huge in both size and amount - $15B even.  Executives will not be whisked away to an island, but told to get back to work.   The runner up will only bear small job losses and, under the work ethic and business sense of the guest star, will most likely emerge stronger than the winner in just 4 years.

Thank you for tuning in and we look forward to seeing you all again in January for Survivor: Retail.

Sincerely,
Bailing water as fast as I can.

PS  I'm not bad at math just making sure you're still reading.   I know what you're thinking, the winner got the $15B and the runner up got bought out - what happens to the rest of the money?  Well the Department of Labor will get the other $10B to be used for unemployment and retraining benefits needed now because of your lack of ability to adapt 5 years ago.